11 June 2005 1336z
It's amazing how much can change in five months. There are construction and engineering projects almost everywhere in the FOB, and lots of new faces. The Texans are here now. They replaced the Iowa guys and you can feel the new blood and the energy just bubbling beneath the surface. I think back to my first few months here in Ghazni, and how much fun we had with the simplest things. I mean, a lot of it sucked, but the fact that we did everything together as a platoon made it all the more bearable. Out of the squad or so of guys that I had with me from my platoon at the beginning of the mission, all but one has either switched to go back to Bagram or moved to other platoons. I say my platoon, but they really belong to someone else now. I feel kinda guilty for inserting myself like this, but I'd like to think that I'm still helping out.
It's been great seeing all of these faces again, and most seem happy to see me too. Maybe seeing me is a sign to them that things are coming to a close, but I'll just assume it's because they missed me. I've had similar conversations with a few dozen people today, catching up and talking about why I'm back down here. Half the time, I tell them that I'm on vacation and half the time I tell them I'm not sure. I think I'll do the brunt of the inventorying tomorrow, making sure that I don't have to pay for too much stuff before I go back home. I signed for so much equipment before I went up to Bagram, and I never had the opportunity get eyes-on since then. The rest of my time will be spent prepping the vehicles and ammunition to be moved up to clear this country. When you have tens of thousands of rounds of 5.56 and a few thousand more of this and a hundred of these and a couple thousand of these, it can start to get complicated. My platoon has the distinct pleasure of making sure that every piece of ammo that we signed for is returned before we fly away. It takes days to separate and count this stuff, so the more we can do now, the better. If you see us in July, you'll know that we did our job.
And speaking of counting and math and all of that, I ran into a little physics problem when I came down here. Apparently, there is a bet between a bunch of the guys in my platoon over whether or not a tire for a 5-ton truck will sink or float. The tire itself probably weighs a quarter ton or more, but it's huge. I tried to settle it today with some quick estimating, but the numbers even surprised me. I'll take a closer look tomorrow and work the math out. Either way, I think there are plans in place to fill the mechanics pit with water and test it out. As always, I will keep you posted.
Other than that, things really haven't changed much down here. I think it was me more than anything else. You know, five months sitting behind a desk can do that to a soldier. Anyway, I'll sign off for now before I start getting too sentimental. It is nice to be back home though. Home...for the next week or two at least.
10 June 2005 1025z
In less than two weeks, the State should be coming out with most of the new officer assignments for when we get back home. I am pretty much hoping for any assignment other than an executive officer position. That's probably one of the lonliest officer jobs in the Army. You're the second in command, but you really don't have anyone who works for you. You don't have a staff; and while you have three platoons under you, none of them really work for you. A few months ago, when they asked for what we wanted, a lot of my peers asked for XO slots and specialty platoons. I can understand their reasoning. They want to stay lieutenants as long as possible and have the opportunity to relax a little when they get back home. Me, I asked for two primary staff positions and command of my own company. I'll find out in two weeks whether or not they think I'm ready for this responsibility...though maybe I'll get the job by default because no one else wants the responsibility.
09 June 2005 1916z
Oh, you shoud have been there for the championship game. We ended up having to play down one man because of some unexpected circumstances, so we were a little uneasy about the whole thing. Five on four - maybe now they would have a chance...hehe. They gave us a little scare when they beat us in the first game. I couldn't believe that I got knocked out by the first ball that flew in my direction. The sergeant who threw it at me had a rifle of an arm though. But the second game...the second game was when the teamwork kicked in. I actually got the sergeant back with the help of one of my teammates. After the good sergeant dodged one of my teammates balls, I unleashed and hit him right in the small of the back as he was recovering from the first dodge. Oh, it was sweet. They should make one of those inspirational posters about it and put "Teamwork" underneath. The third and final game lasted barely a minute. I was proud of myself for catching two balls and we did the same double team strategy to knock out the last guy. And it was over just like that. I let out a very uncharacteristic scream for joy and high-fived all of my teammates. When I say uncharacteristic, I mean uncharacteristic for Army-Sonny. Regular Sonny does this all the time for anything dealing with sports. Like when I put in our second goal in the soccer game against the UAE today, I celebrated with a fist in the air even though it only brought the score of the game to 12-2.
Oh was it fun. I miss the days when I could play flag football with my platoon down in Ghazni. That will definitely stick out as one of the many fond memories I have of this deployment. That and the people, of course. Like today, I ended up just chatting with a couple of young soldiers after the day's festivities, and I don't know...it makes a big difference to me when I get to see the other side of the soldiers. It's not that I would necessarily do things any differently, but it puts everything in perspective. It's like what I think people gain from reading this page.
They read this page, and they get to see more than a soldier or a teacher or whatever else. They see a person. And they think maybe other soldiers are like this. I mean you have your jarheads, but most soldiers have feelings and opinions and fears and problems. And why is this exclusive to soldiers? It's not. I think to myself, "hey, maybe my parents might actually be interesting. Is it possible that they have these things too?" I feel really guilty about never having really gotten to know my parents in the first twenty-five years of my life. It's funny what this deployment did to our family. I don't think my parents ever read my blog until this last year - I would probably prefer it this way - but now, I'm kinda glad that they do. My family is strange. Yes, I know that all families are strange and the fact that I think mine strange makes them normal...but we're strange. Maybe it's because we're asian and maybe it's because we're all nerds and maybe it's because my parents were never able to talk to their parents, but we just don't really talk about serious issues.
Like I'm sure that my family probably wishes that I called home more, but I've made (counting fingers) maybe three phone calls home to them over the last year. I'd be willing to bet that I have the record for the battalion when it comes to that. But I'm getting sidetracked. I wanted to talk about blogging and how it's helped us to say to each other what we've never been able to say to each other in person. And maybe I shouldn't be saying we. I know I have a big part in this. When you go through your whole life with this type of relationship with your family, it's really hard to change even if you know that it's healthier and better for everyone involved. Why does it have to be so hard?
It's funny. Every time I choose to censor myself on this page, I'm usually saying to myself, "what would my mother think if she read this?" And I've just decided, for some strange reason, that my family and I have to stop being so retarded. Sisters, brother, parents...you hearing this? A few months ago, when my brother announced his engagement via mass e-mail to my family, I couldn't help but smile. One, I was just plain happy for him. He won't be alone for the rest of his life, something that is still a possibilty for the rest of the Louie children. Two, I found it incredibly funny that he made the announcement over e-mail. It just shows how socially challenged my family is. And three, I knew that him getting married and having children will take the pressure off the rest of us. Now, I know there are still issues and other stuff regarding this engagement, but I really do support my brother. Honestly, I just want him to be happy.
As upset as my parents may be about this for various reasons, I wonder how my parents would have reacted if I had proposed to my last long-term girlfriend a few years back. It was an interesting time of my life when I bought the ring. I forget exactly how long ago it was. I think I showed it to my sister. She probably thought it was a stupid idea, but she didn't want to tell me that because she knew there was no changing my mind at the time. Of course, I ended up returning the ring without ever popping the question. Like I said, it was a very interesting time in my life.
* thinking to myself * How honest do I want to be today? Do I want to save some for tomorrow or the next day?
Sometimes, I worry that I will die and no one will ever have known the real me. I've thought about writing a web page (that's how I tend to express myself these days) and releasing it as part of the execution of my will in case anything ever happened to me. I never got around to writing it though, so I guess I should just share now...not that I think that anything is going to happen to me. I fully intend on showing up back home in July, so don't worry, okay?
Hehe...okay, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this before I ramble on too much and lose my nerve. These are the thoughts that are running through my mind when I decide to post something exceptionally embarrassing or revealing..
So back in college, we had a T-1 line hooked up to every dorm room. Compared to dialing up with a 2600 baud modem, this was heaven. The internet was in its earlier stages, and though I'd never really seen a naked woman before, I was told that they had pictures of these said women on the internet. *gasp* I know. Would you believe that? Anyway, I used to spend way too much time seeking out these sites and I had a cache of them on my hard drive. Anyway, two years after I started college, I went off to basic training at Fort Jackson, every once in a while thinking to myself, "if I died here and my parents were to look through my computer, they would find all of these pictures." So when I finally made it back home, I decided that I would wipe my hard drive. Of course, a few months go by and things eventually revert back to normal until I go off to my Fort Benning vacation for six more months. Again, this thought popped up. What if I died and they found all of this stuff? What's funny is that it stuck this time. And I've been porn-free ever since. Ha! There, I said it.
I know I've written more than enough for today, but I'm going to keep going. You know, people just do stupid things when they're young. There's no explaining it. Some people do stupid things their entire life. I was seventeen when I got into my first traffic accident. It came the day after I received my first speeding ticket. And that came one or two days after I drove my mother somewhere and she made the comment that I drove to fast. Of course, I disregarded it. Anyway, the accident came after a full day of assistant teaching at summer school. I remember braking as I pulled into the left-turn lane from 123 to University Drive. There was a red truck in front of me and the light had been sitting red for a little while. Everything normal, everything normal, and then I'm woken up by the little crunch. I had nodded off for a split second, just long enough to rear-end the truck in front of me. Him, he wasn't worried. He had a steel bumper and it did nothing to his vehicle. Me, I had a dent that I had to fix before my dad got home from work. So naturally, I brought it to a body shop to see how quickly and cheaply this could be done. When he gave me a four-figure quote, I figured I had to come clean with my dad. That is if come clean = making up an elaborate story that your parents probably wouldn't believe. I don't know why I thought my parents would think any differently if I made up a stupid story, but seventeen year-olds don't think rationally, and I gave them the pitch anyway. Well, I know it's kinda eight years late, but I'm sorry, Dad.
I think I do a lot of things for strange reasons and some strange things for no reason at all. I've always thought that I wanted to live a near perfect life so that I could face my kids and tell them to do the right thing. I mean, you can't say that if you didn't do all of the right things yourself, right? The only bad part about that reasoning is that it doesn't leave a lot of room for error. After today, I'm not sure what message I want to pass along, but I'm sure it's not that.
Okay, maybe I should stop now so that I have more to share when I finally get to talk to my family in person. And to think that I sat down at my computer tonight thinking that I would only be writing about dodge ball. Camp Champs!
08 June 2005 1851z
And since blogging about web design is about as interesting as watching the sand grow, I will move on.
As sad as it is to admit, I've had a lot of free time these last two days and I've been doing a lot of blog reading. We'll call it research. Anyway, I've found a number of interesting subjects to study and I will be living vicariously through them for the next few weeks. For a while there, I was really addicted to milBlogs, but I grew tired of that around the time I left for France. Since then, I've been rather indifferent to most things military. I know it's a horrible thing to say, but it's true. I've just been shifting from mission to mission since I've been here; and though I think I've been doing a pretty good job with most of them, I think it's time for me to move on. When I say move on, I don't mean away from the military. I still feel like I have a place here. It's just that I tend to get stuck with a lot of the crap jobs sometimes. I'm not referring to the PSC mission. That one was an honor and a privilege. I mean, how often does a 25-year old first lieutenant get tasked with the responsibility of leading seven platoons of soldiers in a mission to ensure the safety of a camp filled with over 10K people? What's even more amazing is that a full battalion staff and multiple company headquarter units are now doing what we accomplished with a captain, a lieutenant, a first sergeant, and two specialists. Of course, we couldn't go wrong with the high speed organization that is Task Force Normandy.
But like I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, I think I get stuck with a lot of crappy assignments. A lot of that is my fault. I volunteer for a lot of them and I don't stick up for myself enough. I understand that. Hmm...I forget what my point was.
We had a handful of soldiers compete in a D-day competition a few days ago. There were 32 teams, including a number of special forces units, a bunch of marines, and teams from active duty units in the 101st and 82nd Airborne. And then there was the national guard team from Virginia. Our boys placed an impressive second place, winning three of the six events in the process. I couldn't be more proud...oh, except that I was supposed to be part of the team before I got booted during my little excursion to France. What? Me bitter? Hehe...no. I'm really proud of these guys. Good work!
Anyway, there's going to be a little bit of a free day tomorrow, celebrating the successful completion of one of our major missions here. There'll be a barbecue and lots of contests. I'll probably stick to chess tomorrow, but I'll be up for anything else that comes up. I'll fill you in on the details when it's all over.
07 June 2005 1138z
How easy is it to just say hi to someone? I must've crossed paths with hundreds and thousands of these people in my lifetime, but have only truly interacted with a small fraction of them. I feel like I've missed out on so much. Next time though. The next time someone sneezes on the bus or drops a fork on the floor of a restaurant. The next time someone pulls out their cell phone and turns off the ringer, I will be thinking about this. What is their secret? What makes them special?
06 June 2005 2030z
Okay, I would write more, but I can barely keep my eyes open right now. I will definitely try to spread more joy tomorrow.
05 June 2005 2100z
The last two days have actually been pretty eventful for me. I got to teach again. I finished putting together my class and I gave it to four groups of soldiers yesterday and four more today. It was just like being back home in the classroom. I would make a joke during "first period" and then add to it with each successive group. For the most part, we're just trying to pass on all of our knowledge to the groups coming in after us so that the transition will be as smooth as possible. I took it as a compliment when one of the Texas guys asked me what I did on civilian side. When I told him that I was a teacher, he said that he could tell because he came from a family of teachers. That felt good.
So the book is starting to come along. I'm on page one, maybe. I should probably use some sort of word processor to write it, but I'm doing it in html for some reason...no spell-check or formatting, really. I kinda feel bad splitting my time between my blog and my book. I feel like if I concentrated on either, I could probably do better. One of the blogs that I used to follow actually shut down so that they could concentrate on writing. I don't think I could do that. I don't know. Again, I can't help but feel bad for spending so much time on non-Army pursuits. I rationalize this by staying in my office 18-20 hours a day and going to as many meetings as possible. I tell myself that I can screw off for six hours a day and still feel comfortable knowing that I have worked for twelve. I haven't visited the towers since I've been off of leave, but I've been spending a lot of time with the NCOs in the guard shack and playing therapist for others. I know it's not the same.
The other day, I volunteered to be in charge of the yard sale. I wish that were the name of some huge tactical operation, but we're really just having a yard sale. With all of the guys packing up and sending stuff home, we're putting one together to sell off all of the televisions and video game systems the soldiers have acquired over the last year...among other things.
Oh well...I need to start heading back to my hooch earlier in the day so that I clean up more. When I moved from my larger office to my current, smaller incarnation, I had to squirrel a lot of things away in my 6'x8' hole that I call my hooch. I've acquired too much junk in my time here. I need to get rid of a lot of it and pack up the rest before long. Rumor is that I may be heading back down range to Ghazni when my job wraps up here. It'll only be for a few weeks - a month at most - so I should be able to live out of my duffel bag for that short period. Of course, I won't have as much time online anymore, but that's probably a good thing.
Anyway, it's getting late here and we've got shift change in less than three hours now. I'm tempted to lock the door to my office and just nap until then. I kinda miss the whole polyphasic sleep cycle that I was playing around with just a few months ago, the lucid dreams especially. I always felt such a sense of accomplishment when I was able to reason my way through a dream.
04 June 2005 1943z
With that said, I had dinner with my commander tonight. It's been a while since we had some QT together, just the two of us. You know, I say that half-jokingly, but I really do enjoy the conversations that we've had together. For some reason, it's easy to open up with him. Plus, he calls me out on things. Not that I'm being dishonest, but I'm kinda shy and there are things that I don't necessarily like to talk about sometimes. But for some reason, it's easy to talk to him. Like today, I told him about my scholarship idea. He joked that guys who see the flyer will probably think I'm gay and girls will think I'm trying to take advantage of them. But overall, he was really supportive. Anyway, I forget how we got into our next topic, but I think he mentioned writing a book and how some people find a platform using the internet...like with blogs or e-zines. That way they can go up to a publisher with their book idea knowing that there will be thousands of people who already enjoy reading their stuff. So I mentioned that while I was lying on my bunk in Kuwait for almost a week, I toyed around with the idea of writing a book and how it was funny that he mentioned it. Of course, he asks me about what I was going to write about and I kinda shrug and say I don't know. It didn't take more than a second for him to throw up the BS flag. Of course I had an idea, and I had put down a lot of my thoughts on paper. I was just afraid to share it. But I did. I was thinking about writing something autobiographical. Most everything I read these days is non-fiction, so that kinda fits. I'm not really good at making stuff up, and I'm not really an expert at anything that people would be interested in. And I don't want to write about the Army or teaching. I don't have enough experience in either where anyone would want to read about it. So with that said, I think I found the topic for me. We'll see how it works out...you know, like in a year or two or three.
03 June 2005 1930z
Because of the upcoming handover, I was able to squeak out of my usual hourlong Saturday afternoon meeting. That's nice. I don't have to do my slides now, so that saves me a little more time. What'll I do with my extra time? Good question. I'll probably waste it.
03 June 2005 0537z
Oh, and it appears that someone hacked into my server last night and converted my scholarship application to PDF format for me while I was sleeping. Thanks. I think that does it. If anyone wants to help me post flyers all around NOVA and random campuses in the area, I'd appreciate it. Oh, and hacker, you are more than welcome to acrobatize my flyer for me if you have the time.
02 June 2005 1830z
Other than that, I am just procrastinating a lot. I will get everything done tomorrow though...I promise.
31 May 2005 1605z
Other than that, I had three-meeting Tuesday today. It was nice getting back into the swing of things and linking back up with people I hadn't worked with in nearly a month. Even though I didn't necessarily like them or enjoy working with them, it felt surprisingly good to see them all again.
I don't know. That's pretty much all I've got for now. I did get a chance to hang out with the ole' platoon again, so that was nice. Maybe when I'm done with this mission, I'll get them back. Who knows.
29 May 2005 1918z
Knowing that I am near complete and have a good four hours and fifty minutes left, I figured that it was a good time for a break. Like I said, it's sad...almost like I'm being kicked to the curb. I came back from leave all excited and I get evicted from my own office. I'm trying to keep some stuff together so I can pack up and ship things home because I can see myself getting kicked out of my hooch next. In a week or so, when I will turn my job over, who knows what they'll have lined up for me next. I'm trying for something with a little less stress. I gave a haircut to my first sergeant and my NCOIC this morning. Maybe I could be the unit barber. I don't know. I'm not really complaining.
Last night, I jumped on AIM and had a chance to catch up with a lot of people. I talked to Thuy for the first time in months. He seems to be doing well - back working at Raytheon these days. Ben's doing alright too. And then I just chatted with some of my longtime online acquaintances from over the years along with my ex-girlfriend's little brother and Vinnie's wife, Margi. I think that covers most everyone. After being shut off from the internet during my week in Kuwait, that was a pleasant little welcome back present. It was a great feeling to catch up.
Anyway, I'm going to wrap up now so I can finish up in the old office and grab a decent night of sleep before the week starts. Hopefully, I will get up early enough to get to the gym tomorrow. Until then...
28 May 2005 1950z
26 May 2005 2017z
I just remembered that I brought my journal with me. Why I'm writing this in my little notebook and using up a half dozen pages when I can get it all on one page escapes me. I'll stop now. MTF when I get back.
25 May 2005 2230z
I feel slightly guilty about not being at work behind my desk in Bagram right now; but I do find some solace in the fact that this is all beyond my control. There was a flight out of here three days ago, but there was only room for four colonels. The rest of us remained here in the land of 110 degree heat. At least there's a good dining facility here and they play second run movies at a cheap little theater here on base with free admission. Did I mention that they have movies here? Really, besides the D-fac and the heat, there isn't much to do. Since arriving, I've probably averaged close to ten hours of sleep daily...never more than two or three hours at a time, but enough to make up for the constant interruptions of soldiers moving in and out on their way to and from leave.
In my conscious hours here, I've been able to squeeze in three meals a day, about twelve minutes on the internet (at five dollars an hour, that's one dollar's worth), and a movie or two. The theater here plays a free show at 1730 and 2000 every day. So far, I've seen Amityville, the Ring 2, the Pacifier, and Hitch. Add that to the movies I saw while on leave (Kingdom of Heaven, Million Dollar Baby, Saved, Star Wars) and on the plane ride back (Racing Stripes), and it seems almost sad. I did read a book since arriving in Kuwait though. I'm very proud of that. I'm already on number two right now. And with the way the flights have been going, I should be done with this one before I get back as well. It helps that I don't spend too much time online. And when I say helps, I mean that I have more time to sleep or read or eat or watch movies.
But either way, every day spent here or in Bagram is a day closer to going home, and that is something I'm starting to look forward to more and more. With some luck, I'll be writing my next entry from behind my desk.